Recently I gave birth to a baby boy August 27th to be exact. 17 days ago. Labor was hell, like usual, but it was super short. I was in pain maybe a total of 2 hours on and off as contractions came. This birth like my last one- i found to be very traumatizing. I have made the decision to stop having children. I think i have had enough and I need to be able to divide my attention not only between the 5 of my own, but also to 2 of my fiance's kids. Making me a mom of 7 children. There is no other parental involvement. In fact I might as well be a single mom most of the time.

       My days are now as follows. I wake up for the day around 6 am (if i am not already up from breastfeeding my son). I wake up my 9 year old and have her hop in the shower while i nurse my son on the couch for the last bit of privacy I will have from the children. I then wake up the 6 year old. Hand her an outfit, get her hair brushed and teeth nice and sparkly... and then I get my 9 yr old's hair brushed and done up the same way she has asked me to do it for the last year. At 7:17 their bus comes. I drive them to the bus stop because I still don't trust that something wont happen to them. I sit in the car and I wait for them to get on the bus and for the bus to actually drive away.. because my mind wanders a lot.. i worry that i will drive away and the doors will open and my kids will get off and I will assume they are at school when really they are lost around the neighborhood because they don't know how to get back home, or even worse that they have been kidnapped or something. Bless my worried little mind.

    As soon as I return home- I bring in the babies... yep. My newborn son and my 1yr old typically come with- and even if they don't i make sure to check the backseat before entering my home because one day. I ALMOST forgot about my 1 yr old. Thank god her sister was there to tell me she was going to help me get her out. My mind was running on an hour of sleep. Anyways.. then comes showering my 5 year old daughter, followed by my 4 year old daughter. I then wake up our 5 year old son and he gets ready (dressed) I gel his hair up.. I then do my daughters hair for school. and then feed them all breakfast... while I nurse and am rudely interrupted by my 1 yr old trying to escape from her high chair. I quickly clean up her mess. Drop my fiance off with all the kids remaining. Come home for about 30 mins and run the 2 five year old's to the same bus stop. Then I come back home.. nurse, watch The Vampire Diaries and some times I may even get a pump session in. Bus comes at 934 for the kindergartner's and then I pick them all up from the bus stop at 234 except on Tuesdays... then its more like 130.

   I take care of dinner if i have the energy before I pick my fiance up from work with all the kids.
I am up most of the night.

     My whole point is that I am so annoyingly busy. I'm sore. I'm tired. I feel neglectful not being able to give them all my undivided attention. But I feel guilty even thinking about quitting. Even for a moment. Anyway... i've got a screaming 1 year old at the moment. I will post again soon.


Did i mention I have to run laundry 4 blocks away to wash? Yeah.. that puts a damper in my time.